8 Ways to Have Crazy-Hot Quiet Sex

When you’re in the mood but don’t want to wake the neighbors (or roommates, house guests, or your kids).

The rhythmic squeaks of a bed frame, the buzz of a vibrator, moans and howls of satisfaction—good sex can be a symphony of sounds. But if you live in a apartment with thin walls, have neighbors within earshot, or share your space with roommates, light sleepers, or small children, the noises that happen while you rock the sheets become problematic.

So how can you dial down the racket while still keeping intimate moments hot and satisfying? We spoke to sex experts, who shared their favorite tips.

Make quiet sex a game

Turn the quest for quieter sex into a contest: Who can stay silent the longest? “Quiet sex play can make the situation innately sexy and intimate between partners,” says Sunny Rodgers, clinical sexologist, certified sex coach, and ACS-certified sex educator. “You’re instantly co-conspirators in a common plot, which is great for bonding.”

Part of the contest is to see who can come up with more new and adventurous silent-sex strategies—from sex toys to role-playing scenarios—to find the hottest and least noisy options, recommends sex educator and relationship counselor Kait Scalisi, MPH. Keep the lights on in the bedroom, so you can get visual feedback rather than listening for it.

Breathe through your nose

It’s quieter to breathe through your nose than your mouth. And nose-breathing will improve your sexual experience, too. “[Breathing through your nose] changes the way your pelvic floor and diaphragm engage, making pleasure and orgasm feel different,” says Scalisi. It can be difficult to keep your mouth shut at the point of no return, we get it. But if you have to exhale, at least do it without using your vocal cords.

Get the right bed

“If you can, invest in a mattress without springs, as it won’t creak as much,” says Scalisi. (Pillow-top or memory foam mattresses fit the bill.) “For a more affordable option, try going old-school. Pile pillows and blankets on the floor and get sexy in your personal love nest,” adds Rodgers.

Skip the headboard entirely, recommends Scalisi, and be strategic about the bed’s location. Keep it away from the wall (to reduce thuds) and don’t place it on top of creaky boards. Put a rug underneath it, and tighten every screw in your bed frame to curb creaks and groans.

Do it in a different room—or in the shower

The bedroom isn’t the only place for intimacy. Scalisi recommends getting it on in areas of your home that are out of earshot of house guests, roommates, kids, and neighbors. Another idea: Take the action to the shower. “The spray of water can provide a muffling background to sexy noises,” says Rodgers.

Opt for a quieter vibrator

When you switch on your vibrator, does it buzz like a lawnmower? Go with a rechargeable variety if you want to reduce that noise, says Rodgers. “Battery-operated and electric motors tend to be louder than motors charged by a rechargeable lithium battery,” she says. She recommends the We-Vibe Touch ($50; amazon.com) and Minna Limon ($119; minnalife.com) as two less noisy options. You can also muffle a loud toy but using it under pillows or blankets, she adds.

Indulge in slow-motion sex moves

“Slow, intimate sex play leads to smoldering moans,” Rodgers says, rather than loud screams. As you reach orgasm and feel that familiar need to shout your pleasure, fight the urge and bite your hand, kiss your partner passionately, or cover your mouth, she suggests. These body actions will let your partner know just how incredible you feel; they (and the rest of the neighborhood) just won’t hear it.

Invest in a white-noise machine

It may not sound sexy, but one of these gizmos will cancel out any noises you make. A white sound machine “can provide a nice background that can be increased in volume to provide a bit of discreet cover,” says Rodgers. Or download a white-noise app on your phone, ask Alexa to play ambient noise, or turn on a slow-jam playlist without a thumping bass, which might annoy the roommate who shares your bedroom wall even more than your moans.

Try these sound-muffling sex positions

These four positions are crazy sexy, but they’ll help you keep the noise down.

Spooning. Any position that doesn’t require much movement helps reduce sound, points out Scalisi. Spooning is one of the most intimate sex positions, but the closeness doesn’t come from fast thrusting. Plus, it’s easy to speak softly to each other when you spoon, since your mouths are so close. “Keeping sexual intensity at a whisper is incredibly hot,” says Rodgers.

69. Sure it can be awkward, but what better way is there to keep your mouths busy? You can do it on your sides, or one partner can be on top. Oral sex in general is a good option for quiet sex—just make sure the receiving partner is prepared to muffle sounds in a pillow or towels, or by biting down on their hand.

Doggy style. With your partner hovering over you and your body close to the bed, you can press your face into the mattress or a pillow, so your ooh ooh oohs are less audible, suggests Scalisi. To keep it even quieter, avoid thrusting. “Have the receiving partner rotate their hips and move their booty up and down, says Scalisi, while the giver remains still.

A twist on missionary. Keep it slow, slow, slow by using the coital alignment technique, suggests Scalisi. How to do: Recline on your back and have your guy enter you from above, your pelvises lined up so his erect penis can rub and stroke your clitoris each time he thrusts in and out. “It’s great for stimulating the clitoris and lets you be close together so you can whisper sweet—or dirty—nothings to each other,” says Scalisi.

All of these can be more erotic with butt plugs.

Why Silent Sex Is Awesome

Until I first watched porn, I didn’t realize making noise during sex was a thing. All my masturbation sessions were silent, and I’d never felt a need to make a peep. But when I started hooking up with partners, I came to feel like having silent sex wasn’t an option.

I’d see the expectant look in their eyes, asking “am I doing it right?” I knew they wanted the answer to be “yes,” so I’d moan and groan to show my gratitude. But instead of helping me communicate, sex noises disconnected me from my partners. They weren’t always genuine, and even if I truly was enjoying myself, expressing it that way didn’t feel true to me.

It wasn’t until I got to know my current partner that I gave myself permission to turn down the volume. He’s quiet himself, and I realized I wasn’t judging him for it. We don’t tend to judge men for this kind of thing. Double standard much? Plus, he knows what I like well enough that I don’t have to worry about guiding him with my voice. We’ve discussed the pressure I feel to put on a show, and he’s reassured me that he enjoys himself without one.

Finally, I’ve come to embrace who I am: a quiet bedfellow. I think that’s a hard realization for some people to come to — especially women, since we’re taught that our vocalizations are a turn-on and that our job is to turn on our partners. But I’ve since learned that silent sex is actually awesome, and here are five reasons why.

It Becomes All About Your Body Language

When I stopped trying to make noise in bed, it got painful just to look my partner in the eye. Awkward silences are just as uncomfortable in the bedroom as they are in conversations, it turns out. I found myself wanting to moan just to escape them.

But once I pushed through it and looked my partner in the eye, it got hot. The eye contact was intense, and our facial expressions and body language were all we needed to get our desire across (except for specific situations — see #2).

You Learn To Use Your Words

Maybe this isn’t really “silent” per say, but when you’re not relying on moans and groans to communicate, you’re forced to say what you actually mean. Talking about sex is unfortunately still embarrassing for many people, even while they’re having it, but it’s also extremely helpful.

“Oh” could mean a thousand different things, from “I’m gonna come” to “that hurts.” If you actually say “I’m gonna come” or “that hurts,” on the other hand, your partner knows exactly what’s going on and is empowered to act according to it. I think I used to rely on vague noises because I was too shy to say something felt good and too scared to say it didn’t. Now that I can say both things, there’s no ambiguity.

Silent Sex Isn’t Really Silent

When there’s not a lot of noise in your immediate surroundings, like girls enjoying the weekend with dildos or gays lounging on adult toys, your ears become more fine-turned to subtle sounds, like your partner’s breathing, your bodies grinding against each other, and the jostling of the bed. And it’s hot. There’s so much more going on when we have sex than we’re usually aware of, and with less distraction, you become more finely attuned to it.

It Takes You Out Of Your Head

A study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the most common reason women make noise during sex is not because it’s all just too much for them but because they want to boost their partners’ enjoyment and self-esteem.

Now, caring about your partner’s pleasure is generally a good thing, and sometimes, acting really into it can turn yourself on. But it can also be a form of self-objectification. At least it was for me. Instead of living inside my body, I was on the outside looking in (or, in this case, listening in). When you stop caring about how you sound (or don’t sound) to your partner, you can start focusing on how you feel.

You Can Have Sex With Others In Close Proximity

This one’s pretty obvious, but being quiet in bed spares the possibility that you’ll disrupt someone’s sleep or workday. As long as you haven’t been cursed with a squeaky bed, you can have sex when you’re visiting your parents, when your roommate’s home, or anywhere at all private.

This isn’t to say that everyone should have silent sex or that loud sex can’t be awesome, too. But it is to say that you shouldn’t believe porn: Quiet sex can be hot, and you don’t have to be a noisy partner to be a desirable one.